Monday, March 14, 2011

This is not a cheery warned.

This week - my head space has just gone nuts.  Only way I can explain it.

I have noticed that my perception of myself is still locked up in October 2010 before this journey began.  Although I know I have lost weight (scales don't lie) I cannot see myself as changed in the mirror.  I talked to a lady at the clinic about it and apparently it is very normal to be like this.  I just feel I am not improving.  I do have depression for which I am on medication, however I dont feel in control of my emotions at all.  While the pain from a few weeks back turned out to me starting to ovulate again, I am wondering if this sudden restart of hormones after such a long time without periods is also playing a part.  It came to ahead today when I just broke down crying (my poor husband....a very wet shoulder).  I feel helpless at this point.  Hubby urged me to go and see the clinic counsellor (probably not a bad idea) to talk through things.

I do try and be positive, and am working on accepting compliments (hard!).  Three co-workers commented on my visable loss this week, and being from those people, I know it is genuine.  I just dont see it myself. 

I also put on 900g this week - didn't really help things either.  After discussion, it has been worked out that I do need a fill as I am getting hungry a lot and craving sugar, and things I shouldnt have.  I have been guilty of indulging in some chocolate and chips this week.  Overwhelming guilt afterwards though.  Hope the fill helps this week, as it worked a treat last time.

Work is a bit bleh, half way through the term, a lot of work creeping on, and the weather is definitely turning towards the Winter side.  Kids get a bit crabby at this time of term.  Some more than others - one deciding to light the girls toilets on fire on Monday.  Fire, ambulance and police brought in.  Quite an event!

Exercise has definitely been the highlight of the week.  Manage two excellent workouts with PT using weights (first time since op).  Really felt it the next day, but a good pain.  Walks are still going as well.  Yay!

Finally, thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by the Japan earthquake.  Too soon after the Christchurch one a couple of weeks ago.  My own problems are rather insignificant in comparison.

Hoping for a better week ahead!


  1. *hugs* I would say that a little talk therapy might definitely be of some help. :)

    My only advice would be to relish the compliments when they come, don't sweat the small stuff, and box that kid's ears who lit the toilets on fire! lol

  2. I agree with Ronnie. Relish those compliments and don't sweat the small stuff :-). I think you probably need to check out some of your recent pictures of yourself and compare them to older photos too, so you can get a visual of just how far you've come. Or try on a pair of pants you used to wear or something - that way, even if you can't see the difference in the mirror you'll be able to feel it with how baggy those pants are!

  3. I haven't commented before but I love checking out your blog. Just a FYI - I lost 42kgs 3 years ago and I still have trouble at times accepting that it's gone. I just think sometimes that when you've lost heaps of weight it is hard to get into the mindset that you are no longer huge.

  4. As Crafty Tuesday said, compare before and after photos. I had gastric band surgery on 21st January this year and I am having difficulty seeing the weight loss BUT when you see someone you haven't seen for a while or try on old clothes, you soon work out the weight is going.

    I hope you are having a better week, take care.

  5. Keep with it Sav. You are an inspiration to those who wish they could do the same and put in the same effort you have. You have lost two Castros!

  6. Cassie defiantely see the coubnsellor if you need to. Thats what they are here for, really helped me a few weeks ago when I was pretty down and not loosing.