This is not a cheery post....be warned.

This week - my head space has just gone nuts.  Only way I can explain it.

I have noticed that my perception of myself is still locked up in October 2010 before this journey began.  Although I know I have lost weight (scales don't lie) I cannot see myself as changed in the mirror.  I talked to a lady at the clinic about it and apparently it is very normal to be like this.  I just feel I am not improving.  I do have depression for which I am on medication, however I dont feel in control of my emotions at all.  While the pain from a few weeks back turned out to me starting to ovulate again, I am wondering if this sudden restart of hormones after such a long time without periods is also playing a part.  It came to ahead today when I just broke down crying (my poor husband....a very wet shoulder).  I feel helpless at this point.  Hubby urged me to go and see the clinic counsellor (probably not a bad idea) to talk through things.

I do try and be positive, and am working on accepting compliments (hard!).  Three co-workers commented on my visable loss this week, and being from those people, I know it is genuine.  I just dont see it myself. 

I also put on 900g this week - didn't really help things either.  After discussion, it has been worked out that I do need a fill as I am getting hungry a lot and craving sugar, and things I shouldnt have.  I have been guilty of indulging in some chocolate and chips this week.  Overwhelming guilt afterwards though.  Hope the fill helps this week, as it worked a treat last time.

Work is a bit bleh, half way through the term, a lot of work creeping on, and the weather is definitely turning towards the Winter side.  Kids get a bit crabby at this time of term.  Some more than others - one deciding to light the girls toilets on fire on Monday.  Fire, ambulance and police brought in.  Quite an event!

Exercise has definitely been the highlight of the week.  Manage two excellent workouts with PT using weights (first time since op).  Really felt it the next day, but a good pain.  Walks are still going as well.  Yay!


Finally, thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by the Japan earthquake.  Too soon after the Christchurch one a couple of weeks ago.  My own problems are rather insignificant in comparison.

Hoping for a better week ahead!

The Dietician, Counsellor and the Nurse

So instead of going back to school on the first day back after the holidays, I went back to centre to fulfil more requirements in order to have the surgery. In the end, a lot more pleasant than standing in front of teens again ;)

First stop - Dietician.

By this time I had made the decision 100% for the Lap band.  The purpose of this visit was to go over the pre-op diet which consisted of opti-fast shakes, soups and bars (high in protein) for two meals a day. 

Then for dinner, 120-150g of protein in the form of chicken, fish, red meat, or two eggs plus vegetables from the selected list below:

Eggplant
Tomato
Celery
Bean
Mushroom
Capsicum
Brussel Sprouts

Lettuce

Carrots (only in small supplies - apparently too much carrot = carbs - this was a new lesson for me!_

Brocoli
Cauliflower

Also to point out - I can have unlimited vegetables from the above list all day.

Foods to avoid:

Potatoes (or equivalent starch)
Pasta

Rice

Other:

No alcohol
No sugar
No fruit juice (although natural sugar - still too high in sugars)
Only trim milk
Coffee, tea okay with trim milk
Herbal tea, water also okay along with zero sugar soft drinks (in moderation of course)

Wow!  Quite a change!  However when you have a very set goal - you are going to do it - no matter what!

The other decision was to think about when I wanted to start the pre op diet.  At this stage, it was just over 7 weeks until the op.  The dietician pointed out it would be at least 2-3 weeks, but if I wanted to start earlier - all the better.

We also went through the first four weeks after the op.  Each week was building up to eating real food again.

To sum up (as will blog when the actual events occur):

Week 1:  Clear Liquids, and Protein based liquids (6 meals a day)
Week 2:  Pureed Foods - including protein with every meal (3 meals a day)
Week 3:  Soft Foods (low fibre, high protein, moist foods) (3 meals a day)
Week 4 and beyond:  Solid Foods - 3 small meals a day

Also constipation could be a factor - alpine tea, benefiber etc can be taken. 
Take a general multivitamin once a day.

To sum up - I have to learn to eat again.  Funnily enough in Week 2 - Baby food is on the list of allowed foods!  After being to a few baby showers and having to taste that - may not be on my list of choice!

The dietician was just lovely and freely available to email etc anytime (YAY!) - after a very full hour of a lot of information - it was onto the counsellor!!!

A long time since I had been to a counsellor....wondered what this would entail.

However, it was fine.  More like a big chin wag.  She was an ex science teacher so understood what teaching as a career was like.

The one thing I remember from the conversation was when she said - it is hell be overweight/obese.

People who are in this position have to think and pre-empt situations before they enter them to make the best out of them - eg -airplane/movie seats, where to shop, how to blend in.  Never thought of it like that, but she had a point!  I find myself analysing many situations before they actually happen. It does cause a lot of stress and often tears.

Through a short quiz - I also found out I have high stress and anxiety and a very high level of depression - no surprises there!  She said it was a snapshot, and something to look at later on after surgery to see changes.

Also looked at physical vs emotional eating and how to deal with the latter.

An hour flew by - was given more reading, and it was off to the nurse.

The nurse presented me with more reading - this time a book on the lap band process- before and after.  Something to read and then read again as I went through the steps of the journey. Easy to read and informative.

We decided to start the pre-op diet 6 weeks before surgery - maximum weight loss.  Apparently, if you don't lose enough weight - they will cancel the surgery.  NO WAY IS THAT HAPPENING TO ME!

Also discussed the actual procedure and shown the following clip - animated so not gross :)

From there, she asked me many questions, looked at my health now and exercise regime, and concluded I had made the right decision to have the lap band.  :)

Took my weight and height readings, and then I was off to get my first two weeks of optifast, and live my last few days before the pre-op diet began.