A Blip on the Weight Loss Radar

I'm currently watching "Extreme Makeover" - Weight loss edition.  For those of you who have not seen it, the people selected get to work with Chris Powell in transforming their life and their body over a year.  What I like about this programme is that it shows both the successes and the failures and how hard weight loss really is.  What I like also, it shows the journey is not just about weight loss, but changing old habits, adjusting lifestyle, nutrition, and environment.  It also shows the raw emotion associated with the journey - both good and bad.I am struggling to find it at the moment.

For me at the moment - I'm at an emotional low.  The journey feels tougher than ever and I am struggling.

I have come to the conclusion - maybe I am not caring enough about myself.  My word of the year was FOCUS - I think I have lost some of it and I am struggling to find it.

I'm not sure how I have come to this place.  Some of the events in my life have raised the stress levels, taken up more of my time, and now Im starting to get sick more often.  I need to change this - I need to address my stress

How is the weight you ask? Well I have plateaued.  I went up a little, then lost it and now am still sitting at the 41.3 kilo loss mark.

In the last week - I realised I was in the RED zone.

Looking back now, I was in this zone for a while.  I had a large 1ml fill and a couple of weeks later, I felt more tight than I had initially.  I was eating less (yay) but much of what I was eating was either sticking, taking ages to go through the band, or I was vomiting it up.

Because of this - I started making poor food choices - looking for sugar for energy as I wasn't getting enough nutrition from what I was getting through.  While it was not heaps - it came in forms of chocolate and icecream - they melt and go through the band easy.  I was starting to dread meals - and made me some what depressed.  While down at my parents seeing my Dad for Fathers Day - seeing their concern for how little I was eating and throwing up even cruskits and hummus - stubborn me realised it was time for an unfill.

On Monday I went to the nurse, got a tut tut for waiting so long to come in and got a deflation of .8ml.  Still .2 ml more than before the last fill.  The nurse said I can get a small fill in a couple of weeks as everything needed to settle down and any possible inflammation needed to go.  I could eat again, and oh the joy when I got to eat a beef salad!

I need to focus on my eating and my food choices now.  I have done it right before and I have to do it now.

I also need to put myself in front of everything else going on, otherwise how else can I make this journey a success???

What else is stressing me - well constantly on my mind is my Dad.  Chemo is not doing him any favours and he has become ill with it showing every symptom they listed.  It is upsetting, and I feel the guilt that Im so far away and can't do anything to help him.  Last weekend, being Fathers Day, hubby and I went down south to visit and I can honestly say we made a huge difference.  Mum and Dad were so grateful to have us there.  Hubby did the gardens for Dad, we did brunch and spent lots of quality time together.  I talked to Dad about how I stressed about his health.  He stressed to me to not feel guilty and he was positive chemo was just a precaution since his op.  His attitude is amazing, and Im learning to take that with me and not the guilt.

I saw a psychologist at the clinic last week to hopefully help me address my stress issues and help me to help myself.  I find I stress about everything these days, and I get out of routine and it makes it worse.  Work is a constant stress - with seniors about to go to exams in a few weeks the pressure is on.  There are other more personal family issues, losing weight, exercising more regularly, keeping healthy and I'm not putting myself first.  Anyway, he is great and is working with me to address the causes, symptoms and managing it.  And not judgemental at all!

It is time I do start caring about myself, and I have to put myself in the number one position. FOCUS on Cassie.  It's also ok to ask for help, and support, and as the shrink said don't be so hard on myself - if I slip - get straight back up and get on with it.  One of the coaches Donna at MaD Crossfit posted a great link about making goals, not excuses.  And how to go about it.  I've pasted it below:

Making Excuses

I guess the downs are all part of the process though.  As long as I learn from them and come back up - it will be fine.  A blip on the radar - I will be back on track and reporting more positively shortly.

Crazy busy! And progress in pictures :)

I can tell the end of the school term is nigh.  Every time the last weeks finally appear, it seems to get just crazy busy!  Parent/teacher interviews, reports, assessments and all that marking that goes with it!  I'm swamped!  However, Im loving the weekends, where Im trying to do as little work as possible (with varying success) but at least having some form of social life.  This past week my little bro was up on a design conference and stayed a little longer to catch up with his big sis.  Good times.  My parents don't visit (My mum only twice, and my dad once in the nine years I've been here - one being my wedding!) So I love it when he comes to visit as he is my only other family member in the country.  Always good is that we manage to squeeze in a trip to the movies usually a horror.  This time was Saw VII 3D - because it is just not sick enough in two dimensions.  Blood splatter and guts everywhere....love it :)

Anyway, back to the weight loss.....

Another fill last week, after still feeling hungry and not getting full much.  The latest fill (a big one) has helped a bit, but feel another may finally put me in the green zone, so have got another next week.  To my surprise, when weighing in - I had lost 2.5 kilos!!!  Woo hoo, just when I didn't expect it.   So now I have lost a total of 32.9kilos (72.4lbs).

So what weighs about 32.9 kilos?

These child robots

This fish

Big dog

The weight of luggage allowed on this airline



And this seizure of cocaine!

I thought I would also put in some progress shots too.



MID - OCTOBER 2010

    

APRIL 1st 2011

The dogs thought since I was near the door, it was walkies time...bless :)

Am still doing the crossfit training, and truly am loving it!!  Short, intense, high weight low reps workouts that have you puffing afterwards.  My times are also not far from the others, so soon I will feel confident enough to do the classes with others.  Exciting!!!!



What I learnt this week!

First of all.....thank you for all the supportive and positive comments, and to my friends I see everyday the hugs and reassurance.

I'm feeling 100% better than I did this time last week.  I have learnt that my biggest enemy is MYSELF!  Nobody else.  It is something I have to work through, and with time my head space will catch up to all the changes going on in my life. 

My personal trainer in one of my last sessions with him (he is off to become a policeman), who knows me very well summed it up.  "Oh no, Cassie did not achieve excellence in her weight loss this week.  She focuses on the 900g she put on, doesn't matter about the 30 kilos she has lost.  She didn't get the perfect result this week."  (This all said with dripping sarcasm) It helped, and helped to reset my thinking.  Thanks Clayton :)  After 5 years with him - we have parted ways.  He has seen me through many weight loss ventures, and the gains from them.  However, at our last workout session, he left me at my best weight loss and on my way to me being the healthiest I can be.  He can be proud of his efforts, and tolerance with me over the years, and from that I am proud of myself as well....there I said it.  Yay!

This week I have started with a new trainer at a place called Mad Crossfit - a new system, and a new approach to achieving my goals.  Put to me by Clayton, it is a new exciting challenge.  Have had two sessions so far, and today I was doing shuttle runs...who would have thought???  Am starting with PT sessions and will build up to joining the hour long classes (small 6-8 people) once I more confident and familiar with the moves and techniques.  I'm loving it.  My new trainer, Donna is great - not too girly either - can't cope with those type of trainers!  The whole Mad Crossfit idea comes from the States, and they brought it here.  The focus is on  building strength and getting fit.  They can help with eating etc. but when it comes to the number on the scales, they aren't focussed on that.  I will leave the numbers to the clinic.  Fun times ahead :)

More positive things - after having an incident with a student's behaviour at school (work), I was pretty down on myself (again) - I posted a comment on Facebook about it not being my best teaching day, and outlined the basics of what happened which lead me to walking out on the class (putting myself in timeout) as it got to a point where I was either going to cry or completely nut off at the student.  Didn't expect much from the comment to be honest, but had some amazing supportive and positive comments from friends and ex students which again, put things in a better light for me.   Here were some of them:

I think you did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation Cass. And don't beat yourself up about it, you're only human, this k...ind of thing happens to everyone. I'd bet 100 bucks that it's happened to every other teacher you know at some point.  Yup, tomorrow will be better :-)

That is why I'm not a teacher..... I would need timeout everyday :D Tomorrow is going to be a better day!

I sympathise Cass and I hope that you have a much better day tomorrow. It's good you took yourself out of the situation. XO

Teaching is fantastic when it's good but god it sucks when you have a bad day... wine time? much love xx

much understanding from here - I felt that way so much last year! Thank god for an understanding HOD. Take it easy and tomorrow they will be angels for you :) Or else slam them!

It happens to us all, even JV! Tomorrow's another day, teenagers have short memories :)

silly students!! you need us back, we were the best aye hehehe ;) I hope tomorrow will be better for you and that, that class will calm down for you, other wise just bust out some kung fu hahaha x

It's okay, the awsum 7th formers of last year never saw that side of you, we all still think your awsum!

Everyday was your best day as a teacher !

Tomorrow is another day and you did the right thing. We all need space sometimes and with the pressure we are all under its a wonder it doesn't happen more often. Hang in there, I can see the holidays coming in fast:)

Don't beat yourself up about it. You've had a tough week and they must've tried it on when you didn't have much patience left.   Like someone else said, they probably will be angels next lesson.

We had teachers like that everyday, and you were definitly not one of them You are a great teacher

Miss u made me love bio haha now im doing a degree at it!! all thanks to u haha!! ur an awesome teacher i miss ur ways haha !

Kia Kaha Cass. You have to be strong to be a teacher, keep at it!!!!! xoxoxoxox

It was the students comments (in blue)  that actually touched me the most - never realised that saw me like that - quite humbling, but a lot of warm fuzzies.  Must remember to focus on the positive!

On the weight loss, I booked in to see the nurse, and got a fill - 0.6mL up to 3.6 mL now and booked in again in 2 weeks for another fill.  After about a day I felt more restriction.  I told her how although I thought I was chewing food enough, it still got stuck.  Turns out, its now the quality of chewing but the quantity of chewing!  I'm still eating too fast and the food doesnt have enough time to get through the band before the next lot is on its way - so build up occurs causing a blockage.  So focus is on chewing for a long time, putting utensils down and breaking between bites of food.  A learning process, but have not had a blockage since then.  The nurse was also very pleased with my progress and again told me not to worry about a less than a kilo gain.  I lost most of the 900g in the next week.  It does flucuated.   Other big tip I learnt - have water before a meal to lubricate my throat and reduce sticking/blocking.  Makes perfect sense really!!

So my week improved :)  I have more to blog but sleep calls for now.....'till next time.

Post-Op Week 1

A week has gone by since banding, how time flies.

Hospital stay was good, nurses awesome.  All concerned there relieved it happened this time.  Got bumped up to a single room of my own (nice).  It was nice to wake up in recovery seeing similar surroundings, lights and the same theatre nurse from the operating room.  Got my own tv in my room with SKY - could only really cope with American Idol which my nurse watched with me while she wrote her notes up.  Next day after the surgeon gave me the ok, and said that in the end they didn't need to use a muscle relaxant I went home to sleep.  I found out later - it was really a 50/50 chance of success for the op after last time, so glad I was on the good 50 side.
Still happy, and improving a bit more everyday.  Turns out I may have been a little ambitious going back to school (work) on Monday (Day 3).  While I felt fine when I got up, after dealing with students, meetings, moving around etc, by 11am I was absolutely shattered!  Being stubborn, I continued through the day, but coming home - I was a physical and mental mess.  Hubby handed me the phone - tell work you aren't going in for a couple of days at least.  For once, I actually did what he said.

So what did I learn from that?  Well apart from my stubborness and pigheadness, Day 3 for me going back to teaching - far too soon!  I spent the next two days at home doing some serious R and R.  Back to work too soon. Taught Thursday being first teaching day, exhausted at the end so off on Friday.  I suppose I made it to work a little this week.

My problem was the guilt, but have to step back and realise it is a job not my life, and this year especially is to FOCUS (word of the year) on ME.  Just taking a bit of practise and changing of old habits.  Just relaxing and doing nothing has being hard, especially when I know there is that lingering school work in the background.  It will get done - when I'm all good.

Im healing nicely.  Being my first op wasn't sure what to expect so on the removal of the dressings, I just needed reassurance everything was ok, and no infection was nigh.  I had heard of horrible stories of the ports getting bacterial infections and spreading to the band - I was not having any of that!  So checked in with the nurse at the clinic, and all was good.  Apparently already have a decent amount of scar tissue under the skin which is good.  Yay!

Can I feel anything in me - no.  I do wonder exactly where the port is - I will probably find it when the swelling has gone done.  I have a lot of gurgling which sounds like a massive rumbling tummy, common apparently.  Embarrassing - yeah especially in a dead quiet staff meeting.  I have to have benefiber to keep me regular if needed.  In my sleep I have rolled on my stomach as well (naturally a tummy sleeper) - damn sore in the morning.  A real tight sensation as well.  Things I have to get used to.

So first week was a diet of liquids only - Approx 6 servings a day of up to 1/2 cup - increasing a little if comfortable.

For me this consisted of:  Protein shakes, Up and go, berocca, water, amazing broth cooked by Hubby (Chicken, Mushroom and a yummy Tomato and Basil), dilute cranberry juice, coffee, tea, and tomato juice.


Have I got hungry? Nope.   I was able to increase the liquids a little towards the end of the first week more for the nutrition rather than wanting it.  It has been weird not really having an interest in eating/drinking food, but apparently all normal.   One thing that has been awesome (in moderation of course) was having a fruju - Ahhhh so good for Summer, and even though it melts, made me think I was having something solid.

About day 5 when I went into the surgery I weighed myself with a pleasant surprise.  Had lost 2.1 kilos totalling 27.3 kilos lost.  Also when updating my ticker - I noticed my BMI has gone below 50.  Wooo hooooo!!!!!

Best part of the week - going back to work after 6 weeks and people immediately noticing I am smaller, and saying my clothes are getting too big for me (first time for that!), and the other was my hubby and how much he looked after me :) 

Week 2 food phase is pureed foods - Im definitely ready to move on to something with more substance.  I can have some banana (mashed and only 1/2) - love bananas!

Thanks to all who read this and wished me well - very much appreciated :)
And finally a couple of pics just before heading to hospital to add to the progress picture journey!

 

The Dietician, Counsellor and the Nurse

So instead of going back to school on the first day back after the holidays, I went back to centre to fulfil more requirements in order to have the surgery. In the end, a lot more pleasant than standing in front of teens again ;)

First stop - Dietician.

By this time I had made the decision 100% for the Lap band.  The purpose of this visit was to go over the pre-op diet which consisted of opti-fast shakes, soups and bars (high in protein) for two meals a day. 

Then for dinner, 120-150g of protein in the form of chicken, fish, red meat, or two eggs plus vegetables from the selected list below:

Eggplant
Tomato
Celery
Bean
Mushroom
Capsicum
Brussel Sprouts

Lettuce

Carrots (only in small supplies - apparently too much carrot = carbs - this was a new lesson for me!_

Brocoli
Cauliflower

Also to point out - I can have unlimited vegetables from the above list all day.

Foods to avoid:

Potatoes (or equivalent starch)
Pasta

Rice

Other:

No alcohol
No sugar
No fruit juice (although natural sugar - still too high in sugars)
Only trim milk
Coffee, tea okay with trim milk
Herbal tea, water also okay along with zero sugar soft drinks (in moderation of course)

Wow!  Quite a change!  However when you have a very set goal - you are going to do it - no matter what!

The other decision was to think about when I wanted to start the pre op diet.  At this stage, it was just over 7 weeks until the op.  The dietician pointed out it would be at least 2-3 weeks, but if I wanted to start earlier - all the better.

We also went through the first four weeks after the op.  Each week was building up to eating real food again.

To sum up (as will blog when the actual events occur):

Week 1:  Clear Liquids, and Protein based liquids (6 meals a day)
Week 2:  Pureed Foods - including protein with every meal (3 meals a day)
Week 3:  Soft Foods (low fibre, high protein, moist foods) (3 meals a day)
Week 4 and beyond:  Solid Foods - 3 small meals a day

Also constipation could be a factor - alpine tea, benefiber etc can be taken. 
Take a general multivitamin once a day.

To sum up - I have to learn to eat again.  Funnily enough in Week 2 - Baby food is on the list of allowed foods!  After being to a few baby showers and having to taste that - may not be on my list of choice!

The dietician was just lovely and freely available to email etc anytime (YAY!) - after a very full hour of a lot of information - it was onto the counsellor!!!

A long time since I had been to a counsellor....wondered what this would entail.

However, it was fine.  More like a big chin wag.  She was an ex science teacher so understood what teaching as a career was like.

The one thing I remember from the conversation was when she said - it is hell be overweight/obese.

People who are in this position have to think and pre-empt situations before they enter them to make the best out of them - eg -airplane/movie seats, where to shop, how to blend in.  Never thought of it like that, but she had a point!  I find myself analysing many situations before they actually happen. It does cause a lot of stress and often tears.

Through a short quiz - I also found out I have high stress and anxiety and a very high level of depression - no surprises there!  She said it was a snapshot, and something to look at later on after surgery to see changes.

Also looked at physical vs emotional eating and how to deal with the latter.

An hour flew by - was given more reading, and it was off to the nurse.

The nurse presented me with more reading - this time a book on the lap band process- before and after.  Something to read and then read again as I went through the steps of the journey. Easy to read and informative.

We decided to start the pre-op diet 6 weeks before surgery - maximum weight loss.  Apparently, if you don't lose enough weight - they will cancel the surgery.  NO WAY IS THAT HAPPENING TO ME!

Also discussed the actual procedure and shown the following clip - animated so not gross :)

From there, she asked me many questions, looked at my health now and exercise regime, and concluded I had made the right decision to have the lap band.  :)

Took my weight and height readings, and then I was off to get my first two weeks of optifast, and live my last few days before the pre-op diet began.