Sunday, January 8, 2012

I'm Back - Still Alive and Kicking!

3 months has gone by since my last post.  A lot has gone on in my life since then.  As many say - with such events - the weight loss has taken a back seat although stayed within a 5 kilo range.  A new year though, and time to kick start the weight loss to achieve my goals!

This post is just to sum up 2011 for me.  While there was a lot of positive - there are many things Im glad that I can (almost) leave behind in 2011.  I don't call 2011 a winning year.

Here is the summary:

Lap Band Surgery - Late January 2011

After a failed attempt due to a muscle relaxant allergy - I finally had success with getting banded.  Almost 12 months later I stand between 40 and 45 kilos lost.  Today I was looking at old photos - and I was disgusted on how I was and let myself get that big.  I'm still big even today but shrinking :)  It is not instant - but a journey which requires effort and using the lap band tool to assist the weight loss and improvement in health.  After about 3-4 months my energy levels did pick up and I have noticed an overall improvement in my general health as the year progressed.  May it long continue.




Just before First Op - 2010
 



December 2011



The School Year


A busy year.  Not the happiest for many staff - morale rather low with building destruction/construction, the threat of redundancies, some losing managment units, and having ERO (the school inspectors) visit - always stressful.  A couple of tough classes.  Events happening outside of school didn't help, but I made it through.  When the Dean position came up for applying - I had got to the point - what have I got to lose?  Nothing!  I applied, and got a fixed term position for 2012 - totally stoked and a fantastic challenge for me.  I was going for less stress this year, but they do say change is as good as a holiday!  I'm excited and get another desk to put my stuff on - wicked!

End of Year Staff Do - 2011

Dad

Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer earlier in the year.  Quite a shock and extremely upsetting.  I am a Dad's girl and while delayed - the effect hit me hard.  He had surgery - got his bowel resected, and commenced chemo.  After about 5 months he was taken off the chemo - the effects were starting to out weigh any good it may have been doing, and the oncologist was quick to stop it.  The chemo was a precaution if any cancer was still remaining.  Since finishing chemo - Dad has improved everyday - back to the Dad I know and love, getting more active all the time.  Im guessing he will go for tests sometime early this year.


Mum

A couple of weeks after we returned from Melbourne, I found out that Mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer (two parents in one year - what are the chances).  It was detected early due to Dad nagging Mum to get a mammogram.  A small lump it was removed in mid November through a lumpectomy and she has recovered well.  She will start radiation therapy in late January.

I have spent a lot of time down south in Dunedin this year, and due to go back down for a week during this week.  I'm hoping that this pending visit will be more positive than the few previous ones.


My Bro

2011 was an awesome year for my lil' bro.  He found love with a fabulous lady who is also a designer who has her own line of products including teatowels, prints, etc.  I hope to get to know her better over time. They moved in together in Dunedin in November and seem very happy together - just lovely :)  He is a different person to a year ago. He also took redundancy in his job which was slowly killing him, and started up his own business which seems to be going well with many job opportunities popping up for him in digital/computer design - including designing websites and city council maps.

Crossfit

When my personal trainer sold his business, I was referred to MaD crossfit.  I had never heard of crossfit before, but now will never look back.  It is truly one of those great things that has happened to me.  Using your own body weight and no machines but weights and just the rower, I have pushed myself more than I have ever done in any gym previously.  I have become so much stronger, and on Christmas Eve, I deadlifted 120kilos!  I love the weight lifting aspect, and have also got better at push ups, a scaled sit up, step ups etc.  I have even done short runs now and again - never thought that would happen. I got myself inov8's - barefoot running shoes which actually made running more comfortable for me. The coaches and people who go there form a very supportive community in which I am very appreciative. They also keep us accountable and keep things varied - so definitely not boring!
They adapt the Paleo lifestyle, which while hard to do at times I have stuck with a couple of aspects of it.  Essentially in a nutshell - it descourages eating processed foods, including processed sugar, dairy,  alcohol and grains etc.  It encourages fresh vegetables, and meat along with some nuts and some low GI carbs (eg kumara).  It is a huge learning curve and I am starting a paleo detox for 30 days on Monday.  It is hard to do strict long term, and has been said can take a year to really adopt the lifestyle properly.  The biggest issue with me - sugar - I like the sweet.  With the band - I have little to no bread, dough or rice as it is too uncomfortable to eat.  I call it a bonus as I avoid it now which is good since I used to chow down on the baked goods.  The Paleo does make you feel fab after about the first week of so of getting rid of the crap in the system.  This will be good post Christmas!





Sara

Mid-year I found out I had a sister - yep that's right - I was as surprised as you are!  Turns out my mother had a daughter about three years before I was born and before she met Dad.  A dark skeleton in the closet! My brother and I were found via facebook by a P.I they had hired.  Initially and honestly for a while - I was what the?????  My brother approached Mum about it and she is basically a closed book about it and won't talk about it.  To my surprise - Dad doesn't know either - not entirely sure how that is possible but seems to be the case.  So if you know my Mum and Dad - this is NOT a subject you bring up in conversation.  I would hate to think of the fallout from it.  Anyway, I met Sara, her husband and son Angus when we were in Melbourne.  Just a couple of occasions - to the Aquarium and lunch, then drinks and the Casino. I now say I have a sister (half-sister) and when talking to her - it felt like I did know her - definitely something there.  She looks a lot like my Mum and definitely holds herself like Mum too.  My husband found it unnerving talking to her as he siad it was like talking to Mum.  I do aim to find out more about the whole saga - I have many jigsaw pieces - I just need more to start putting more of them together!  Its exciting now.  On a selfish side - I do feel a little ripped off that I have missed out having a sister for 33 years of my life, but at least I have got many years to get to know each other.  Also I got bumped down to middle child (biologically that is) - still oldest by nature though - Im far to bossy.  It's cool to have a nephew too - Angus is pretty awesome :)




Adoption

In December, after 1.5 years going through the application process (with gaps) we have been approved for domestic adoption.  From here, my holiday job is to make up our profile which gets sent to the biological parents when they are choosing the adoptive parents.  By the end of January - we should be finally in the selection pool and then the wait to be chosen begins.

Friends marriages/babies
Nicky and Jamie


Frances and Isla

Davanea and Caid
Kelly and Riki
Fiona and Sophie
Laura and Hami
Ed and Ava

Michelle and Andy

Engagements, marriages and babies continued in 2011.  My bestie Frances and husband Shane welcomed Isla - a brother for Otis in May.  One of my best friends Ed got engaged to Sarah and in August became parents to baby Ava.  Fiona and Sam had their second daughter - baby Sophie in May.  Laura and Hami got married in February.  Michelle and Andy got married in July.  Mel and Nick had baby Charlie. Megan and Shaun had baby Jackson.  Davanea and Nick had baby Caid in March. Duane and Tash got engaged.  Kelly and Riki got engaged.  Nicky and Jamie got engaged and are soon to be expecting their first child.  My cousin Christine is four weeks off having number 2.  Many work people had babies or are not long off doing so. 2012, I'm sure will be no different.

Melbourne

The trip to Melbourne was fantastic - loved it so much.  Weather was fab, seeing friends and family awesome, and so much to do, see, and enjoy.  Food was fab, and spent a lot of quality time with hubby.  Best parts:  meeting my sister, hiring a flash car and driving the Great Ocean Road, the hotel we stayed at,  the zoo and aquarium and shopping! Could easily go back to explore all the things we ran out of time to do!





























Anthony and the dogs

Nearly 4 years of marriage this month.  Anthony had truly been my rock in the past year with all I have had to deal with.  Constantly I get reminded I married the right person, and look forward to more adventures with him.  The longer I am married, the more I understand its importance.  Being married is cool! :)
Our dogs are also cool.  Honey nearly 4 and Layla 2.5 they are dogs now more than puppies, and are fabulous companions, each with their unique personalities.  Don't know life without them.



Social

Lots of things going on, including a Royal Wedding and NZ winning the Rugby world cup!  Good friends and family certainly never keep life dull!










So thats 2011.......bring on 2012!


Saturday, October 8, 2011

Melbourne Bound!

At last, the school holidays are here!  Hubby and I are off to Melbourne today for 2 weeks of no work and plenty of rest, relaxation, sightseeing, shopping, catching up with friends and family etc etc.  All things come to those who wait - and I've waited long enough! :)

My 10kilo in 10week goal - Did not make it, but on the plus side - I am down at least 4 - 5 kilos on when I made the goal.  I may have been a little ambitious, but doesn't hurt a girl to try though does it?

Aim is to eat the best I can over there - embrace the fresh food markets, and exercise - I've realised a while ago - exercise makes me feel good.  The place we are staying for part of it even has a pool and a gym - No excuses!

Weeeee - I'm so excited :)



Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Reset time!

Since my last post - a bit more down, but now think Im on the up.  I'm being positive.

After writing my last post, I realised I had got into a bad state - quite depressed about everything and a tad overwhelmed and maybe expecting too much of myself all at once! 

Thanks for the kind words and support from all.  I needed to step back and re-evaluate everything.  Im already on anti-depressants (which have done me wonders over the years - they do help to balance me).  However, I need to be stricter with my food - not neccessarily worried about portion size (thats pretty good), its what Im putting in my mouth.  Since the loosening of the band this has improved - however I still have an addiction to sugar.  I can stop for a while but I keep going back to it for comfort.  But does it make me feel better - thinking about it - short answer.....NO!  It affects my moods, my sleep and probably does not do much for my stress.  Up until now, it has been my comfort, my feel good food and always there, along with the caramel machiatos from Starbucks. I realise - I'm talking like an addict! Its like alcohol, cigarettes or drugs - sugar is my addiction!

NOW is the time for change - after a reality check email from my Crossfit coach - who says it how it is, and stated how bad my skin was looking at an event at the weekend (this clearly being due to reaction to sugar and dairy) - it was time to seriously take a look at my nutrition.

So starting back on the food diary monitoring everything I eat, cut out sugar, no more visits to Starbucks (that will save me money too!)



I am also struggling staying well - getting colds/viruses every couple of weeks.  Went to the docs who have taken blood samples to see if Im lacking in something.  Has anyone else with lapband found this?  I thought I would be more well post surgery, but cant escape the cold every couple of weeks.  This time of term Im seriously run down so also probably not at my best immunity.

Im going to go back the Paleo way - this worked a lot the first time I tried it (30 day challenge).  My goal of losing 10 kilos in 10 weeks not quite the success I wanted - since I plateaued - Ive started losing again.  Im at a 3-4 loss and with 2.5 weeks left - I would be quite excited if I made the 10 kilo mark.   I don't think I factored life into the equation.  I was talking to a friend today and we both said how great it would be to be locked away in the Biggest Loser house for 3 months without other influences/interuptions.

My next goal from this reset is to be at my best for 'barbells for boobs' on October 29th at my crossfit gym (this workout is done at gyms all over the world).  The workout is 30 clean and jerks in a row with a cap of 15 mins for the workout.  Proceeds from the event go to breast cancer research.  This gives me FOCUS - my word of the year :)

Finally some pics from Fight Gone Bad 6 - held at the weekend (with my bad face ;))
I did the womens intermediate version and got a score of 243 - improving from my last attempt.  Fight Gone Bad consists of:
Three rounds of:
Wall-ball, 20/14 pound ball, 10 ft target (Reps)
Sumo deadlift high-pull, 16 kg (Reps)
Box Step Up, 20″ box (Reps)
Push-press, 15 kg (Reps)
Row (Calories)

Psyching myself up for the sumo deadlift

Step Ups

Push Press

Row

Wall ball - trying to hit the pink target!

Straight After 3 rounds - alive...just!

Mmm, some of the sweat and t shirt marks I left behind!

Onwards and Upwards!!!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Blip on the Weight Loss Radar

I'm currently watching "Extreme Makeover" - Weight loss edition.  For those of you who have not seen it, the people selected get to work with Chris Powell in transforming their life and their body over a year.  What I like about this programme is that it shows both the successes and the failures and how hard weight loss really is.  What I like also, it shows the journey is not just about weight loss, but changing old habits, adjusting lifestyle, nutrition, and environment.  It also shows the raw emotion associated with the journey - both good and bad.I am struggling to find it at the moment.

For me at the moment - I'm at an emotional low.  The journey feels tougher than ever and I am struggling.

I have come to the conclusion - maybe I am not caring enough about myself.  My word of the year was FOCUS - I think I have lost some of it and I am struggling to find it.

I'm not sure how I have come to this place.  Some of the events in my life have raised the stress levels, taken up more of my time, and now Im starting to get sick more often.  I need to change this - I need to address my stress

How is the weight you ask? Well I have plateaued.  I went up a little, then lost it and now am still sitting at the 41.3 kilo loss mark.

In the last week - I realised I was in the RED zone.


Looking back now, I was in this zone for a while.  I had a large 1ml fill and a couple of weeks later, I felt more tight than I had initially.  I was eating less (yay) but much of what I was eating was either sticking, taking ages to go through the band, or I was vomiting it up.

Because of this - I started making poor food choices - looking for sugar for energy as I wasn't getting enough nutrition from what I was getting through.  While it was not heaps - it came in forms of chocolate and icecream - they melt and go through the band easy.  I was starting to dread meals - and made me some what depressed.  While down at my parents seeing my Dad for Fathers Day - seeing their concern for how little I was eating and throwing up even cruskits and hummus - stubborn me realised it was time for an unfill.

On Monday I went to the nurse, got a tut tut for waiting so long to come in and got a deflation of .8ml.  Still .2 ml more than before the last fill.  The nurse said I can get a small fill in a couple of weeks as everything needed to settle down and any possible inflammation needed to go.  I could eat again, and oh the joy when I got to eat a beef salad!


I need to focus on my eating and my food choices now.  I have done it right before and I have to do it now.

I also need to put myself in front of everything else going on, otherwise how else can I make this journey a success???

What else is stressing me - well constantly on my mind is my Dad.  Chemo is not doing him any favours and he has become ill with it showing every symptom they listed.  It is upsetting, and I feel the guilt that Im so far away and can't do anything to help him.  Last weekend, being Fathers Day, hubby and I went down south to visit and I can honestly say we made a huge difference.  Mum and Dad were so grateful to have us there.  Hubby did the gardens for Dad, we did brunch and spent lots of quality time together.  I talked to Dad about how I stressed about his health.  He stressed to me to not feel guilty and he was positive chemo was just a precaution since his op.  His attitude is amazing, and Im learning to take that with me and not the guilt.



I saw a psychologist at the clinic last week to hopefully help me address my stress issues and help me to help myself.  I find I stress about everything these days, and I get out of routine and it makes it worse.  Work is a constant stress - with seniors about to go to exams in a few weeks the pressure is on.  There are other more personal family issues, losing weight, exercising more regularly, keeping healthy and I'm not putting myself first.  Anyway, he is great and is working with me to address the causes, symptoms and managing it.  And not judgemental at all!

It is time I do start caring about myself, and I have to put myself in the number one position. FOCUS on Cassie.  It's also ok to ask for help, and support, and as the shrink said don't be so hard on myself - if I slip - get straight back up and get on with it.  One of the coaches Donna at MaD Crossfit posted a great link about making goals, not excuses.  And how to go about it.  I've pasted it below:

Making Excuses

I guess the downs are all part of the process though.  As long as I learn from them and come back up - it will be fine.  A blip on the radar - I will be back on track and reporting more positively shortly.